


Belief

by xanzpet (gleefulmusings)



Series: Facets [8]
Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Alternate Universe, Comics Disregarded, M/M, post-Not Fade Away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-02
Updated: 2013-04-02
Packaged: 2017-12-07 05:55:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/745060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gleefulmusings/pseuds/xanzpet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Connor thinks he just might be okay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Belief

The first time they had slept together was about absence of feeling; of not acknowledging their pasts, their woes, or even their names. It was the promise of sanctuary afforded only by anonymity and a darkened motel bedroom.

The second time was about making a connection, of recovering sensation, of recalling emotion they had forgotten how to miss. It was tentative and fierce, playful and grave; a dichotomous experience fostered by lust and the herald of acceptance.

The third time was born from anger: his from what had been done to him, his lover’s from what had been done to the woman who had helped define their lives. The ache of regret, the powerlessness fear engendered, the reality of a fleeting life; all contributed to a passion which was both righteous and vindictive. Fate was incredibly ironic.  
  
There had been many times since and each were confident there would be many more. No longer weighted down by sinful neglect of the past, yet hesitant to indulge in the perceived buoyancy of the future, they had instead settled for the simplicity of the present, for familiarity.

Until this night, when Xander had told him he loved him.   
  
He looked into the huge brown eye and realized it was the truth: he was loved, he was wanted, he wasn’t a substitute for another long buried.

He felt a burden lifted from his shoulders only to be replaced with another just as frightening. However, he was at least now able to view the past with an objectivity never before afforded him.   
  
He reached out, wanting to draw Xander to him, to hold him close, to feel his heartbeat reassure him that the moment was genuine, to make sure the man wouldn’t leave.

Instead, Connor rolled onto his side and curled up against his lover, secure in his surrender.


End file.
